Just do it.

Being myself sounds scary...the rejection too close to home...but then again I don't have grace to be anyone else. So because of that I'll try to stand up for what I believe and in what I think is right and who I know I am in Him. To be a light when all other lights go out. I am FEARLESS...I hope I realize that one day. And I hope I can muster up the courage to be myself everyday because I'm not called to be anyone else. And people will criticize but I'll try my best not to let it change me. And I hope I can love and take that risk of not being loved back. And I hope that when I find flaws in those in my life that I don't pull away or push them away but that I would COVER them in love and not expose anything. And that when I find flaws in myself that I wouldn't go into hiding or push myself away but that I would find my glory in my weakness because without them I wouldn't need Him. That I would find the courage to walk in humility and trust that if I let go I won't be left with nothing.
If I let go then I will find it....why is it so hard to let go?

...If I could wear beaded bracelets, boots, and scarves everyday I would much prefer it over anything else...yes that was random.

There is strength in weakness
There is wholeness in brokenness
There is significance in humility
There is rest in honesty
There is much to be gained from giving everything away
There is life to be found by death
It is possible to have nothing yet posses everything
It is possible to come in last yet still be first
I am physically rich yet sometimes I feel spiritually poor
and I look at the "unfortunate" and though they are physically poor they are spiritually rich, to the point where a lot of times I envy them.
How much more significant to God are spiritual riches than earthly treasures.

Battle Cry

Worried, scared, tired, hindered, fearful. Yeah I have been those things lately. Hanging out with them like they are my friends. But they don't look out for me, they aren't good for me, and they don't look good on me. Trying to get down and stay low. Trying to weather this storm. Trying to survive. Devour me? Devour me? No! No to the things you speak to me and wave in front of me. You are thinking I have no self control but I do. You were wrong about me. Miscalculated me. Trying to hinder me. You try to devour me. And now I'm coming after you. A full on assault against you. No mercy for you here. I'll get inside your head. Let's see how you like it evil one.

I'm ready to forgive and willing to let go and that's how I'll drain your power from my life. I'll love even those who hate me and I'll read the word like I breath air. I'm willing to lose myself and humble myself before the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. You could have done that that but you chose yourself. I won't be making the same mistake. You want to kill me but my Master has already beaten you to it. I'm dead already, living for Him now.

You would kill me without a second thought. You spread pain, jealousy, and the darkest evil that exists. But my Father has given me the brightest light that exists and that's himself. So you better run, you better hide, because you won't survive. There is a light so bright, an army emerging, people who don't care about the things of this world or about your kingdom. We will laugh in your face, hunt you down, and make it hurt. We will burn your eyes with the purest purity and the holiest holy. Keep your religion and stumbling blocks to yourself and get out of our way. This is our battle cry. Want me to say it louder?

You have assaulted and attacked us, gnashed your teeth at us. You've made us feel sick, stolen, beaten, and bruised us. You've taken our fathers, mothers, sisters, and brothers. But it's just around the corner. Your end and your demise. He's already defeated you and He's coming back to kill you. In the mean time, I'll forgive and let go and keep learning how to love. You know, that thing you can't stand. Really? You tried to hold Him down with death? Is that the best you've got? His life swallowed up your death. And another thing, just so you know I will unravel your chords of pain that bind my heart with forgiveness and I will break your fetters of hate around my hands with love. Because of Him I can. So if you hate me take it up with Jesus, but be careful He doesn't like you and I know He loves me. The odds are against you. Go find someone else to devour Satan, I've had enough of your games.

Moses

I have been thinking so much about Moses Lately. About how the the word says he was the humblest man on the face of the earth (numbers 12:3). He asked to see the glory of the Lord even though he knew that seeing it could potentially kill him (Exodus 33:20). He wanted the presence more than his own life. Moses wanted to see God, the glory of God, even if that meant that he might die. And God could not stay away from that kind of hunger. So He showed Moses His glory, but what is the "glory" of the Lord? "my goodness to pass in front of you" (exodus 33:19) God's glory is His GOODNESS. The Lord uses the word glory and goodness interchangeably(Exodus 33:18-22).

Exodus 33:11 says that the Lord spoke to Moses face to face as a man speaks to his friend. Just chew on that. What incredible intimacy! What intensity. Would God say to the other Israelites in the camp "do not come to me"? "Do not be intimate with me"? I understand it was a different covenant back then, but it's definitely a possibility that Moses was just a man that yes obviously had a call on his life from the Lord but regardless of that perhaps he was just a guy who took the invitation that God offers, an invitation to intimacy that is friendship with God. Maybe all the Israelites could have talked with God "face to face" as well if they had just said "yes". Even if Moses was afraid of the Lord his fear did not stop him. He entered in. He entered into the invitation. He gazed. He drew close. Where were the other Israelites? Exodus 20:18 says that they were afraid and "kept at a distance". The word does not say God kept at a distance it said "they" kept at a distance, meaning the Israelites.

Let us not stay at distance! Let us be like Moses pressing into the glory, the GOODNESS of God. Stare and stare and stare at God, at the glory of God until it changes you. I want to keep my gaze unbroken on Him and I know that it will come with a cost. And I know that I will get burned, burned by the jealous flame of the Lord, and I know that I will be changed, illuminated. Moses was literally illuminated (Exodus 34:35) because of the glory of the Lord.

Some people think it's weird when people shake or manifest in the presence of God but I think it's weird when people have no reaction at all in the presence of God.
Look at Him. BEHOLD Him. It's possible. We will become what we behold. We will reflect what we see. I want to reflect Him to others so that means I have to look at Him. By gazing upon we get to know Him, begin to trust Him, and become like Him. Our culture does not make it easy to "behold" Him. Beholding Him means time spent with Him. And in this culture we are BUSY. Family, responsibilities, jobs, friends, ministry, the list goes on. We need to take time to BEHOLD Him, to gaze upon Him. To gaze upon the power of His resurrection, to meditate upon His kindness, to think upon His goodness. To Fill our mind with his thoughts and believe them. Father raise up people that would not be afraid and not stay at a distance but would draw close and behold you!


Psalm 27:4-
One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to GAZE upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.

Glory

First off, thank you International House of Prayer in Kansas City for letting us party in the glory and wine until midnight! Thank you for your willingness to be forerunners and to raise up gifted musicians and singers to minister to the Lord. I haven't danced that much in my life. Thank you for the best Holy Ghost party I have been to yet. ;)

And second, Thank you New Mexico for your absolutely beautiful weather and beautiful people. Thank you for your Keva juice and your boba tea. Thank you for the casita and "roof time". Thank you for most amazing laid back fun people! And thank you for your guarantee of 0% humidity all of the time. There is such a place and ache in my heart for you since we have left your desert terrain.

Needless to say vacation was so refreshing and just plain GOOD, but I didn't want to blog about that. I just wanted to blog about something that's been on my heart lately. I have been in a "dry and weary land without water" kind of season. And I have been trying to spend time with Him...trying, sometimes not succeeding. I go to work 40 hours a week which leaves me about 23 hours to myself for the entire week to get things done (not counting the weekends). In total that's not even one whole day! I'm struggling finding the time to work full time, spend QUALITY time with Jesus, work out and take care of myself, have a social life,serving at our church, and keeping a clean house. I keep trying to figure out a formula to make it all happen (without having to get up at 5 every morning to get everything done!)

Well Before work the other morning I got up, grabbed my bible from off my night stand, threw a blanket around myself and went out and sat on the couch, determined to just get some of Him before the busy day started. As I sat there, I struggled. Should I pray? Should I read the word? Maybe I should pray for the day I thought, maybe I should pray for my co-workers...no I'll read the word. So I picked up my Bible and started reading in Psalms. And all of a sudden, ever so small, was an impression from the Holy Spirit, "put down your bible and just be with me"
At first I though I am being with You, I'm reading your word!! But it was like a still small voice, so I laid my Bible down on the coffee table and just sat there. I didn't pray, I didn't talk, I just sat there and thought about the Lord, I let my affections turn toward Him. It was like this peace entered the room, the peace I had been looking for so frantically. It came when I just rested in Him. I didn't have to "do" I just had to "be". Jesus is not a formula. He is wisdom. And wisdom is not having the same solution for every problem, wisdom is not having a formula. Wisdom is knowing what is right depending on the situation.

He is teaching me lately that His presence, the very person of who He is, is the most important thing and should be the most valuable thing to me in this life. So if I don't get the laundry done, or I didn't get a chance to go for that run, or I choose to stay home for sometime to myself instead of going out, or if I even have to say to serving at an event one day as long as I have His presence that is the most important thing, and if I have that then I am RICH, then I win.

Mood: HAPPY!

I love the start of summer! Warm days but the nights are still cold...mmm. perfect. Today I had all the windows down in my car, music loud, and sunglasses on. Today I had all the windows in my house open, breeze blowing through, fresh flowers on the table. Did I mention I love summer? So yesterday Matt and I took ourselves to Barnes and Noble and I got myself an aphrodisiac cookbook. yeah that's right. Recipes that are supposed to keep you hungry even after the meal is over- lol, I'm married now so I'm aloud to talk about this stuff ;) I'm SO excited to try some recipes out. Some seem like they came right out of the book of Song of Solomon. Anyways, this find has been one of the highlights of my week, so I had to share even if you didn't really want to know ;)

Something that was fun this past week was going to a nice bar/grill in the south wedge part of the city. It was a networking event for Matt's company, and since he is the chairman of the networking club (surprise, surprise)I had to go to show my support. It actually turned out to be a TON of fun and then we hit up the Rochester Rhino's soccer game afterward.

Tomorrow we are headed to the Lilac Festival and spending the rest of the weekend getting ready for our vacation coming up! This coming Thursday we leave for Kansas City and will be there a few days before we fly out to Albuquerque, NM. I could not be more excited to go. We will be visiting IHOP in Kansas city and be there for the awakening services that are happening right now. I am SO ready for some fire, rain, and glory!! and I would never consider myself a planner but I have LOVED planning this vacation to New Mexico. We are staying in a beautiful Casita right at the base of the Sandia mountains, taking the train to Sante Fae for a day, horseback riding, and visiting the White Sands National Park/monument which I guess is supposed to be BEAUTIFUL!! ...not too shabby. and Thank you Jesus for creating REST. If you can't relax or rest then you have a problem because God wants us to live and move in rest! neat concept eh?

So as I am growing in my marriage, growing in age, growing up as a woman, I am finding that I really like fresh flowers, scented candles all around the house(the BIG ones), plants, interior decorations, kitchen appliances, and nationalgeographic.com. Rochester needs to get an IKEA. oh, and I love our deck :)

So this is late night ramble. I will let you know how some of those receipts turn out....but don't worry I will spare you most of the details ;)

A Rustling

The trick. The trick is to be content where I am while still looking ahead hoping for change. Unrequited. Unsettled. Tossing. Turning. Disturbed. RESTLESSNESS. I just want change lately. Change on the inside of me, change in the atmosphere around me. Change in my friends and my family. Change in the world. A God change. A SHIFT in the spirit. RESTLESSNESS. It finds me often lately. I like where I am now but I am aching for something to MOVE, tangibly. In my mind, heart, and soul...in my life..something around me to SHIFT. I'm waiting for the secrets He told me to come to pass...WAITING....activley....maybe not so much patiently but at least I'm waiting and not running ahead.

...maybe it's the books I've been reading that stirs it in me...books like The Vision and the Vow by Pete Greig. I have strayed from talk like "a generation is rising up" and "new wine is being poured out" stuff like that. I think because it gets me really hyped but I then I go back to the mundane of my life. Rita and Steve gave Matt and I a word that we were most definitely called to work with the youth. That we would be forerunners. I'm starting to realize why I like young people so much. It's because they are CRAZY and BOLD! I think their audacity is SO precious to the Lord! They aren't afraid to let God out of the box and I believe there is a generation coming that won't even have a box!! I like their crazy faith. They haven't learned they can't change the world yet and I hope they NEVER do...and I hope I never do either. They are those that would pray ALL night and the night after and the one after that just to see Him come. Their hunger stirs heaven. oh man....I just LOVE them.

So heavily on my heart lately has been the issue of prayer. Prayer ushers in moves of God and I want Him to MOVE....so I think I know what I have to do. I know I'm just one girl but who cares?! I find myself thinking "why not?" a lot lately. I can't leave this area as much as I want to sometimes...I know He told us to stay at least for a time. Jesus turn your attention towards us! Let us catch your eye, let us catch your attention and let your heart beat be heard over the northeast... I just want Him to come...and break open heaven over this area and I think I know it's going to come from the young kids and young adults. David killed Goliath... what if he thought he couldn't? What if we think we can't when we really can?

I was driving home from work the other day and I was thinking about all the people I admire and look up to that I follow on Twitter. Someone said to me "You will never meet those people, what's the point in following them?" I started to agree but all of a sudden I felt a swiftness dance across my heart..."why not? Why couldn't you meet them one day? Anything is possible!" This is a really weird example but point being I feel like the Lord keeps saying, "why not?! Anything is possible!" Get CRAZY! Dream Big! If Jesus can change the world though twelve fairly uneducated men, if the Pentecost can come in a tiny insignificant upper room, if a mortal man can walk on water (now that's crazy...or is it?) then maybe insignificant people and do crazy significant things through Him. No not maybe.. we can. I mean why not?! ...there it is again that restlessness...I can feel it.

"Happy am I to lead a hungry life
blessed am I to thirst"
-Misty Edwards

Comprehending

Things He has been teaching me lately:

1.) To forfeit His presence just to gain the approval of men is absurdity. If we do this, we will be giving up much to receive much less.
2.) If you are in Him then everything you do is holy.
3.) If God made it to be that way then that must be the best way.
4.) If He wants me to let go of something it's probably because He wants to give it back to me in a fuller measure.
5.) Trust is belief and belief is rest.
6.) Resting (peace) is the most effective type of spiritual warfare.
7.) Things that are added are not earned and things that are earned are not added. God will add unto me all that I need and more but I will not have to strive for them, because then they would not be added. (Matthew 6:33)
8.) He sees no blemish within me.
9.) Feeling God is ok
10.) You cannot just know what is right. You have to have the discipline to actually do what is right.
11.) If you touch and influence man's heart, you may not touch God's heart. But if you touch and influence God's heart you will almost always touch and influence man's heart.
12.) Sometimes when we feel set aside it's really because He has set us apart.
13.) His love for us is as strong death, his jealously for us is as demanding as the grave and the flame of His love for us will passionately burn even amidst many waters. (Song of Songs 8:7)
14.) His timing is not our timing.
15.) The deeper you really believe God truly and fully loves you is in direct proportion to how much power and love you will walk in.