The issue of fairness has been popping into my head a lot recently. That's been something I have been longing for in my life for the past three years. Fairness. You see, when something happens to me that is very unfair my human nature kicks in and I yearn for fairness, to be justified for my reeling emotions, to be vindicated, for the score to be fair again, to be brought even. But there are places in my heart that long for people's definition of fairness to come to pass in my life, not God's definition. The world thinks distributing fairness as an eye for an eye or a tooth for a tooth. If you take something from me I will take something from you. If you hurt me I will hurt you and so on. This is how the world brings about fairness and and their definition of justice. And if I were honest, yes, there are days when I long for this type of fairness to come to pass in my life. That the unfair events that I have suffered in my life and the things and the family that I have lost as a result of someone else's sinful decision made by a person who was supposed to bring protection and direction to the household, yes, there are days when I long to see what my human nature defines as fairness come to pass in my life and when hidden, faint longings of this type arise from a wounded soul and it does not come to pass anger arises, bitterness, and then the shame for feeling that way.
I have realized that one of the reasons why I struggle with anger at times is because I long for fairness to come to pass in my life and other's lives. The world's definition of fairness, the one where every one's playing field is level, the one where every one's score is even, the one where if I was hurt or taken from unjustly then I should be vindicated somehow some way so things are once again "fair." Being forced into child prostitution at the age of 8 while I was running around blowing bubbles and letting my skin get kissed by the sun doesn't seem fair. Growing up in a family that is negative and abusive while one is godly and humble doesn't seem fair. Someone losing their whole family to war, famine, disease, and orphaned while some in other countries receive the best health care, and grew up in the best house with the nicest things....just doesn't register as fair or just on my human radar screen.
Obviously this world is not fair. My mind can tell my heart that life is not fair, that this world will never be fair, but it's true, this is hard for my heart to swallow because of course at times i wish life were fair...but of course I understand this is not the reality, for I have experienced it myself.
Jesus has been prodding this issue in my heart for days now. Exposing some important truths that are helping me heal. If one has a wounded soul and desires healing a part of that healing involves accepting God's definition of fairness as the truth, and the better way, and coming under that authority.
First off thank God Jesus didn't come to earth to bring about our definition of fairness because if He had I would have had to die on that cross too. In my humanness I could never earn God's love and mercy, if God defined fairness the way we do then I would have had to suffer for my sins before a righteous and holy God. By the world's definition this would only be "fair" since we sinned against God and that's what we deserve.
Second, Jesus died a terrible painful death, He was wrongfully accused and rejected by us, men. After a brutal death like that Jesus could have said "Yes I have rose from the dead and overcame. You sinners can now come to me but you must go through what I went through because I did it now you have to do it" He could have been self righteous and bitter about it and could have saved us but not FREED us. This is HUGE. This is perfect humble love. This is a more excellent way than our puny little definitions of fairness.
Jesus didn't just flip the world upside down, or bend the rules a little, he SHATTERED human thinking as we know it, He TORE the veil, ripped everything up, set a new world order. If one wants to find peace and healing one has to accept and come under the authority of Jesus' new world order that took effect when He rose from the dead, when He overcame the grave.
You see if I were to pave my own way to healing I would say "Lord vindicate me" and I would expect the Lord the vindicate me. Yup, give me my house back, my car back, my family back, the pieces of my heart back, and even more but Jesus says not just to me but to everyone who is hurting and has been wronged unjustly "let me show you a more excellent way."
What Jesus means by this "more excellent way" is to let go of seeking and longing for the world's definition of fairness but to accept and come under authority of His definition of fairness, the more excellent way is love. When you are wronged unfairly, unjustly, Jesus says forgive and love. Isaiah describes Jesus to be a man who knew pain and many sorrows but there is no bitterness in Him towards us, the people who caused Him that pain and sorrow. Unbelievable.
The world's definition of fairness leaves no room for mercy, love, or forgiveness. There is no solution in that definition. People who have been hurt, unfairly hurt, seek to take revenge on the person or people who hurt them, spawning hate, spawning war, and so the cycle goes. Jesus came to stop this cycle in the world. He came to show us a "more excellent way."
He is teaching me that yes, He truly is the vindicator in my life and I NEED to trust Him in that, but He is going to do it using a more excellent way than carrying out my definition of justice in my situation. I bring my heart in pieces to Jesus where I have been unfairly wronged, I have been unfairly wounded, and that's where Jesus quietly and gently steps in and teaches me a more excellent way. To seek after and accept His definition of fairness instead of my own. To forgive where I have been stolen from and to love where I have been unfairly wronged.
I take a lot of comfort in the fact that Jesus set an example for me. That He was wronged unjustly, He was betrayed unfairly, He was killed as an innocent. Yet He overcame with a more excellent way. Love.
Forgiving and letting go will release a person from bitterness and anger. Replacing Jesus' definition of fairness in my life with my own is beginning to bring about healing and ultimately freedom in my heart.
Let freedom ring for there is a more excellent way, Jesus' love.
