Announcement

I got engaged last night!!!!

:-D

People are asking me: What are you going to do after school? What are you going to do with your life? What are your plans?

In my head I answer them: I want to completely end the child sex slave trade. I want to completely abolish human trafficking. There are more human slaves today than ever before in the world's history and 14,000-17,000 are trafficked across U.S. borders every year. 80% are estimated to be young women 50% children. And for what? Most commonly for sexual exploitation. I want to shut down every brothel in India and save every child who has ever been sold into a brothel in Cambodia. Why? No, not because I'm a good person but because they are vulnerable and cannot defend themselves and quite simply they need us. If we do not save them from a life of horror then who will? Their government? No. The leading chief of police in Cambodia is known to traffic drugs and children himself. The church needs to rise up and take part in one of the most important human rights issues of our day and I want to be part of that movement. That's what I want to do.

Out loud I answer them: Hum, I'm not sure...maybe something in marketing.

Sometimes Old Times Can Come Knocking

I went back there one day and found that it was not my place anymore. I had seventeen years of ridiculously sweet memories there that absolutely made my summers unarguably the best. I tried to hang on to it as long as I could but I eventually let it go one day. I remember the exact date and I have never set foot on that property since then, it would ache too much. Another piece I left back there.

Why am I still thinking about this? Please lets leave the past in the past, but I decided that it would be okay if I took the sweet remembrances with me. I awoke this morning with old memories flooding my head involuntarily. Sometimes that happens I have no idea why. Maybe it is just a processing thing I'm still going through. This morning they were not the bad kind surprisingly, just the bittersweet kind. I wish I could go back just for one moment to soak it up again and I know I would have never had to leave it if he never left us. I would still have it. But it does not help me to think of how things could have been if he was still here, it never does.

Oh but I remember such sweetness and placidity there. There was an unspoken rule that no one could wear shoes until night time came and as long as there was daylight we could not be on land. We reveled spending time on that old party barge all day long. Time in the sun, swimming, hanging out with our friends on the lake jet skiing and tubing and it never got old. We were always golden brown by the end of those summers.
I remember sitting on that old dock many times watching a storm roll in over the green hills and watching small fish swim beneath me. I remember rolling over logs searching for worms to go fishing and I remember the camp fires that would last until at least two in the morning. The kind of camp fires that would make people spill out all the deep things inside of them.
And the s'mores, never leave out those.
I remember the sunset canoe rides that became a tradition every night after dinner.
I remember when I woke up the morning the sun reflecting off the lake that hurt my eyes every time and I would sit with a blanket on that old creaky swing on the porch and watch the mist slowly lift off the lake.
And I remember the sky at night. After seeing that sky it has ruined me for any other night sky where you can't see the milky way splitting across it. There was not one place in that sky that was starless. I remember I would scoop up my little dog and snuggle him in my lap and stare at the sky, as if we were sharing it together. I remember the summer after high school we had at least ten people on that old party barge and we swam under those stars.


I remember that shack by the lake that always had this lean slightly to the left and the siding was falling off of it. My friends would always bust on me about how my family must have only paid $60 for it but as awful as looked, and still looks, I loved it and so did they.
The roof leaked incessantly when it rained and the cupboards would be emptied of all pots and pans to try and catch the drips. There was no running water or indoor plumbing but to me it was somewhat of a paradise. A place that shaped some of my most delicious memories. We would have loved to fix it up but that took money we did not have. Since it was only five minutes from my house I was there every summer, everyday.
My friends and I owe to it our gratitude for making our summers so sweet. It's still there but it just is not my place anymore, sometimes that hurts but as time continues it does become somewhat more sweet than bitter.

Why would I wake up and instantly remember so vividly? It startled me. After months of not thinking about it. Maybe it is the freezing winter air outside that makes me long for those summers again. The good kind of summers where we worked to live instead of living to work.

I blogged this more for my own records and recollect than for anyone else really. Just something I don't want to forget and memories so heightened and strong this morning I felt I needed to release them or I would fall over under the weight from them. But I am very happy to have remembered these things. It makes my heart feel warmer in these cold winter months.